Monday, November 13, 2017

despair

Id rather deal with the ruthless pain and
hate you with utmost purity
rather than love someone
blooming with idealistic measures.

Id rather have the authenticity of my gut and feelings
guide me over rather than build little pickets of fences
that surround my self with little lies of illusions

Id rather be the relentless little Dover
rummaging her way through the
vast expanse of universe
rather than stay holed up somewhere
in between sacred threads and
surmountable passions.




Monday, June 26, 2017

untitled


ever felt a lull ache in your heart so intense like it can rip you apart. Its like suddenly the pressure of your body lies in the pelvic region with a thrusting irritable pain and all you can do is nothing . Ever felt a dull tooth ache that flows about in a same continum and just stays there until you jab one tooth with the other and the pain it emanates makes you feel slightly better.


Friday, June 16, 2017

void

The thump of void
ingrained so deep in my heart
slowly begins to stir
it is painful and obsolete
yet the heart longs for it.

Rationality walking miles behind
submitting myself in the
calamity of murky water
as violent as a tirade of the
Bermuda triangle .

Could i possibly sew back
the fragments of my own pieces
or let it come undone like
the hurricane of blending winds

Smriti






Wednesday, June 7, 2017

untitled

as awful as it may sound
but i'd love to hear him talk
when he was mad drunk.
he'd wail like a psychopath,
laugh like a venom,
get mad about the world
get as vulnerable as a thumb
sucking feeble,
dispel profound thoughts
that would reckon me out of blue.
i would quietly marvel at the
bukowskian in him
while lamenting upon the
futility amidst me.

Smriti

intellectual

Who is an intellectual?
not somebody immersed in the illusion of knowledge,
not somebody who guides you to the art of living,
not somebody well versed with art or science,
not somebody well travelled to seas and continents,
not somebody ready to heal you with therapies.

It is somebody
who has the ability to contradict his own mind
in an attempt to seek the truth in futility.
somebody who is not in awe with newness,
somebody who can discard his own theories,
somebody who is watching over his own mind,
somebody who can quietly accept the opponents
victory wherein required

Smriti





Monday, June 5, 2017

intimacy

It took years for me to understand that the vagina,
like any other part of the body is as sacrilegious
as your beautiful lips that you like to adorn with 
Russian Roulette`s and ruby woo`s

It took years for me to understand that the labia

is not just another flaccid gruesome organ,
but a powerhouse of your intimacy,
as beautiful as the silhouette of your curves

It took years for me to understand that 

the orgasm is a divine energy that uncovers 
you with the highest form of your self,  
relatively discarding the self.

It took years for me to understand that 

sex is one of the most alive thing in you
as life comes through it,you are born through it 
where there is life, aliveness, sex is the source.

Smriti

Friday, June 2, 2017

untitled

In a cruel world 
such as this
we must find what
is sacred to us.
I choose literature,
poetry,music,
zoning out in my space.
I would choose the pain
all over again, even if it 
brings an inch closer to
my sense of self.
I want to get into the habit
of living, before acquiring
the habit of thinking.
I want to be fragmented
yet whole, imaginary yet
sure.
maybe, like the flicker of million
stardust of the constellation

smriti




Monday, May 1, 2017

Ode to the first spring rainfall

I love the first rainfall of spring,
bringing heaves and textures of earth
The fragrance of woody cedar,
The smell of  moist grass and trees.

I love to see the cars rambling in downpour
splattering across the muddy lanes,
Tiny drops of shimmering particles,
falling down from heaven
being one with the world.

Most of all, i love that feeling
that certain feeling, stirring our hearts and minds,
widening our senses making us more alive
feeling, sensing and being in the present.

A melody tuning somewhere in the background
bringing a certain warmth and pain.
That glorious warmth of the cold
That beautiful assurance of the pain.







Sunday, April 30, 2017

stark realism

After a promulgation of ideas and constantly struggling to incline myself to the progressive nature of life i have realized one thing for sure that no matter which gospel you preach with all your heart and what philosophical dictum you plan to live by in your heart, it is all in the end going to boil down to providing yourself for the basic necessities of three meals a day while nodding comprehendingly to your next door neighbor even though you disagree with her to bits and pieces.

E.C.T

It was like my mind suddenly went through the lull numbness of an electro-convulsive treatment .
For instance, when the depths of mundane matter began to tickle my brain or the existence of the supernatural began to create its doubts or even when the gravest concern began to flicker around the atmosphere, suddenly and for quite unfathomable reasons it did not really settle down in my mind and bother me, rather a feeling of lightness began to prevail around just like the aftermath of an electro-convulsive treatment.
It was like suddenly i understood everybody all too well and their own respective reasons for doing what they seem to be doing.
After all nobody really wants to be a mean nitty-gritty individual right? so one has one's own way of tackling and responding to matters to how and what they feel right .
The problem however was, even this knowledge could provide no solace because in the end we can only be what we want to be and keep continuing to do things the way they have always been.
change could only apply to an external factor or a group or an organisation.


to be contd...

thought

One has to be positive only when one's mind is comprehending the presence of negative.
The importance of 'being positive' takes place only when negativity surfaces you making it miserable for you to breathe around.
It may not be easy to fuel out the negativity of life considering the world that we live in.
However one can surely try to refrain oneself from allowing the mind to indulge in what seems not necessary for the progressive nature of life.

smrii

Friday, April 28, 2017

Being Useful

We are constantly in search of things we could be useful for,
Being useful for something,
Being useful for somebody
Wherever we can validate ourselves
Whatever blissfully accommodates us.

We are all marching in order to be useful,someplace or the other,
where we can surrender ourselves,
which could in turn grant us our own useful necessities.
Some genuinely enjoy their usefulness,
Some just crawl along for its perks and parcel.

A new phase of life takes its toll 
when you finally become useful for something.
A new chapter of life, a part of a new legion, a new herd.,
where you`re silently surrendering to life without knowing about it.
We are all in a race for our usefulness,
not knowing that every minute, every second is vanishing by
bringing us closer to our own decay in this race of usefulness.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

an existential crisis

The café had a distinct appeal of its own , with a very strange name that it possessed . It was called something like hubros or leebros . The word might have had taken the fancy of the cafe's owner who came up with it while he was watching a glamorous commercial or him being a sport fanatic who thought the name was  too cool for school.
 Its interior was made to look every bit glamorous. An array of cheap bouquets was laid on each table, the kind of bouquets that you found on a Sunday haat or Thursday haat in your very own local market. The three regions of wall that faced each other had three distinct colour of its own, a mossy cheap paint that could give you a high five in return if you intended to give the wall a one.
The walls were hung with bizarre pictures some discoloured and dillusioned however, the picture that caught my fancy was the one that said “free haircut and hair colour”, they wanted volunteers to master their skill upon in other words scapegoats to prey upon.
The café was empty when rooman entered inside except for a rad looking man sitting on one corner chatting on phone endlessly, the man was quite synonymic to the café and its neighbourhood.
He listlessly chatted with his girlfriend calling her names like “gold-digger” and his presumably “gold digger “ girlfriend giving him threats to slit her wrist and the poor guy obnoxiously stating that she may slit if she wants but that she shouldn’t engrave his name upon her.
It was one of those cafes that immediately made you feel so comfortable yet at the same time disturbingly uncomfortable. Shooing away the irrational doubts rooman sat in another corner of the cafe trying to make herself comfortable and lit herself a cigarette.
In this moment thoughts began to flourish one  after the other, it was indeed a different place to be. It wasn’t every day that you chanced upon a neighbourhood such as this. Legends had it pimps and peddlers flourished in the adjacent building . she looked around and questioned the normalcy that existed here just like it existed everywhere else.
So many thoughts calloused upon the raw mind, she could have easily been the one to discard the existence of the place but if she had then she wouldn’t have had come here at all and since she was already there she contemplated on its surrounding and scrutinised every bit of it .
As she sat there scrutinising the details an existential crisis sieged upon her. She scowled at herself for not letting herself sway in the heats of the moment. She could have easily given herself and sunk in the moment and lived that very moment for  a lifetime but external barriers and her own class distinction that she had created in her head surfaced through. She couldn’t blame herself for it, could she?
In her mind she thought about the three things that she could do sitting in that café.
 Firstly, she could have cursed herself on ever visiting that place and swear to never return again. Secondly, like a liberal intellectual of the era she could have made peace with it and chilled for a while returning home only to tell her friends how dope the café was and they should totally visit it next time together with their fancy Dslr’s making a movie on the hookers and their pimps that flourished  around and the gender issues that concerned them. Thirdly, and most importantly rooman thought about how she could have absolutely owned the moment and lived it for the sheer delight of those tacky flowers, shady paintings and the warm talkative hostess who ordered tea and cigarettes for her exclusively although they weren’t a part of the cafes menu

Humans have been living a life that is laid out for them and its very rare that they tend to look beneath or above the surface of it all. The good , bad and great is already decided for what may come. 

to be contd...

Friday, February 24, 2017

LAU



Is there any other way that i can really be in contact with you other than the body?
The body perishes one day but i want to love you and i want our love to remain long after we are both gone...
LAU

Sunday, January 29, 2017

FOOD FOR THE SOUL




I've never done a food post in my life. Felt like doing one today as i do not want this juicy beauties to go undocumented and mostly I'm a sucker for my own traditional no-fuss food or the food that i grew up eating. I've always wanted to experiment with local cuisines and improvise ideas on a new flavor but time is such a constraint. There are only few things that one can actually do in ones lifetime.  Anyway,s I've specifically prepared each of these items myself and they are what you call a typical  authentic Himalayan cuisine.
There's shredded buff fry on the corner with some mixed vegetables topped with traditional cheese which is famously called churpi in my region. My favourite item being the tamarillo paste with the cherry lookalike pickle famously known as dallae khorsani.
i would have chosen white rice any given day but brown rice makes me feel less guilty so there it is
yummy in my tummy






Saturday, January 28, 2017

ricocheting




I live in my own little world…
Sometimes, it's passionately chaotic,
Sometimes the pattern of boredom swivels me
Many times, the milieu of repetitive nature of life
hits me rock-bottom.
I look around me and feel so grateful for the life I lead.
I take a step ahead and feel so spiteful for the way things have got to be.
There is a terrible confusion that engulfs me,
I look at the simple minds around me and envy their absorption toward life.
Vehemently sure about the choices they are making and path they are leading
Oh Smrii, you read Plath for all the wrong reasons,
You don’t really wanna be the passionate, fragmentary girl. Do you?
Perhaps, if I had only known myself a little better
I wouldn’t ricochet between the perhaps and maybes.
Perhaps, if only my ever questioning, contradictory mind were to be stable
I would lead a more certain life.
Perhaps, if I could only have a strong want for something,
I would live a more fulfilling life working hard to get that.
But would I really want to break free from the freedom’ of not wanting anything?