her..

flowing tide of emotions grapple my body in this cold winter midnight. having been buried under three sheaths of blanket, i try to shove you off my head but you're not that easy. i have million things to worry about but you just stick around floating around the center of my being. Ahh!! can't you see the irony here? million things to worry about but you just stay there unfazed and unaltered in your perfect somber self, always saying the 'right' thing no matter how fuckingly 'wrong' it appears to seem like. that's the thing about you. you are differently striking in the most inappropriate manner and every time i talk to you, it only melts my heart, brings me harsher to the reality and makes me fall a little more in love with you as compared to yesterday and moments back.
so, stay the hell away from me . will you? i don't want a whiff of your emotions surging through the nook and corners of me coz you are notorious for alighting it and then just disappearing like nothing happened ( i might not happen to you, but it happens to normal people like me ) and all that remains is your perfect lines that lingers around me and then i just  scroll my phone upwards and reread the derogatory truth with which you live by and i cannot help it but nod in approval. the way you make it sound sounds so complicated yet beyond the complexities it is all so simple, yet it is so hard to embrace the simple since we humans have the tendency of making our own lives so complicated and then questioning in the end as to what went wrong or how we could make things better.
lord!! i hate the fact that you've taken that much of toll over me or to put it the fact that i like you , yes, i like you so much, i couldn't have been surer. its like how they say that sometimes in life you come across this one person who alights a fire in you but sadly so they are not always the ones that we spend our lives with.
you might be different to different to different kinds of people , intellectual bastard for some maybe and fine lover to some but i'd say that you'd be a pathetic lover coz if you look at it closely you know there's not much difference between a rich bastard engrossed in his wealth, a narcissist absorbed in self and someone like you who centers around the luxury of his thoughts.
you see, your thoughts and observations are your privileged luxury to your self in which you want nobody to deter around with or maybe you're just caught up in your past refusing to put yourself up there and take a chance, a chance which seems all the more worthless to you,
its okay, i understand. it is not so easy . feelings and emotions can totally overrule anybody and it deters the boundaries which is exactly why we tend to stay away from it but don't you think the essence of pain or any emotion demands to be felt  coz we are humans after all and who understands the manifestation of humans better than you.
damn!! how much i really think about  you. you are there with your perfect sentence, perfectly making sense and how much i hate to have to agree with you coz with you perfect portrayal of the universal truth, you also break me one step further from the fictional reality that I've spun around myself in order to make my survival easier and easily blend in but that's not so easy in life specially with someone like you in my life and then i suddenly imagine the life without you, what good would it be? like me surging back to the same reality of ground rules in which existence is easier but meaningless and void.
since happiness is such a myth lets say contention is definitely not living by the conditioned norms of what society has taught us to sometimes it can be just gazing endlessly until your eyes hurt that you're forced to drop it shut.

damn, i want you, i need you but mostly i hate the fact that i have to feel all the things about you and worst when you will exactly understand how i feel.

lady chatterley musings

                                                       


So i finally got hold of the banned book. yes,it is lady Chatterley's lover . After planning to order it online and looking at the ridiculous price tag that came with it , i may have decided that i might as well wait for it ,until i was casually browsing playstore and voila! free pdf version !! so i installed it that moment. Since, i'm not a very big fan of the pdf movement but still i try to suffice with it every now and then specially in instances like these. Well, the book that happened to create an uproar with its supposedly explicit content is my hands finally and i may have succumbed to the the age old tradition of the forbidden fruit appearing more juicier while still hoping that the fruit is worth the try.
Anyhow, coming back to the book , i might have still in the beginning chapters of it but i have to spit out something that really caught my attention and i possibly cannot wait for  a better occasion to put if off my head while the feeling still reverberates within me . 
So, the question that is knocking me about is  that could we possibly keep love and sex as two separate entities? by saying this i am not implying to the new traditions of the 
'casual sex' phenomenon or the more refined version of the same thing which is colorfully put it as 'friends with benefits' kinda thing. what i particularly mean is what if the age old tradition of equating sex after marriage and kissing the bride after your vows are delivered never existed at all and again let me clarify by saying that my motto is not to talk about casual or premarital sex in any form of matter because the wise ones probably know how much a thing like that is overrated, it just goes about unnoticed now.
 coming back to the point, you meet this someone who is great to be with and it could be anyone who you might have known for a long time or just in the initial stage of getting to know the person and then you go to bed with  him/her and irrespective of the great sex that you have or not, this whole process called sex  is known to create a certain kind of trigger that may leave you with a benign longing for that person eventually. that was the very reason why the two liberal sisters connie and hilda almost succumbed to the strange male power but chose not to. they were rational enough to realize the fact that sex was just a thrill that runs through your body and set themselves free from the baggage that could have emerged from it. 
we humans have been brought upon by the belief that love and sex are two surfaces of the same coin and sex is possibly the seed from which the flower of love blooms but is it just to say so?  which makes me question the mila kunis and justin timerlake starrer 'friend with benefits' which has two gorgeous, strong willed characters probably falling in love and living happily ever after by the end of the movie ,  starting from their casual consensual sex to falling in love with each other . okay....what if they hadn't had sex in the first place? would they have not fallen in love? what if they had just had sex and refrained from the strange power that lingers in the aftermath of it, and if that had happened would they end up meeting the soulmate  or perhaps met someone somebody who provided them with a bigger sexual thrill and bigger sentiments emerging out of it making them a potentially better lover.
the whole theory behind me talking about this matter is such that with our society already constructing rules for the way life is suppose to be lived , we also have our glands or organs dictating us in some of the most crucial decisions that we end up making in our lives. if you come to think of it, it is after all an organ or a gland . isnt it? flaccid, clumsy , erogenous and a very potential sentiment propagator. 

My point being, what if we keep love and sex as an altogether separate entities? probably sex wouldn't have been such a big deal and while sex was not a great deal, true love in its own time could flourish and bloom about making humans aware of the greater and better things in their life that existed within their own self. 
on a sad note, history has given us enough evidence on how society has been molding human behavior making the necessary alterations as per the suitability and the whole notion of the 'ideal kind of life' and how it should be and we have all been blindly carrying the wagon and marching ahead in order to fit in.
we don't have much of a choice. do we?