Saturday, November 27, 2010

THE OTHER FACE OF MORTIFICATION

Life teaches you lessons in its own course of tyme but sometymes you cant help it and say to which most people wudnt agree dat deniably or undeniably dere are certain things in lyfe for instance some part of ur characteristics, dat u r born with coz even when u closely relate to each and every aspect of ur behaviour ,dere are things dat has become a part of you or more precisely it defines you nd wen u begin to question the logistics for its reason or even view it psychoanalytically , u still do not find the answer dat ur lukin for.
So for da time being lets just leave it dis way dat 'certain things in lyfe ur definitely born with' ....admist ol dese things ,'perfection' is one aspect dat most people luk for ,sum are so hungry for it dat all their life they are only giving it their best shots ,some accept themselves as perfectionists on da back of deir own minds or some keep lukin for it, or either for the worst or for da best some just dont give it a damn and still there are some who are bound to live upto it coz ,so far in lives dey have lived up to it,ultimately it becomes their choice of living ofcourse, preferably or rarely unpreferably .For dem dignity ,self valour ,poise nd u name more vocabs on dis ,becomes an integral part of his/her daily characteristics ,as a result many falling to da prey of syndromes lyke taking great consideration of what each and eveyone else thinks rather than his/her innermost opinions(in some cases da innermost opinions are void too coz uve long lost it) similarly da actions dey perform and da words dey choose to speak does imply provocatively to some, lyke thoughtful heads but bland to most, lyke da damnable nd whimsical lots ....
similarly, for these self valueing perfectionists life advances in the direction of fulfilling things in a grandeur with self potrayal and interaction being a vital part of their behaviour nd once uve actually attained it u r also one of a type ,different from anybody else nd is looked upon nd watched by others be it young or old so here again u have to live upto dat.. and "kudos" to dem dat dey have lived upto an identity dat distinguishes dem frm da rest .....
but,as we know dat all it takes is a careless mistake to put the building on fire simlarly just no.911 to extinguish it.
so bottom line,for the ones dat we are talkin of in the above lines it cud be a tough job for dem to retain their identity as a huge support is a must frm their near nd dear ones if nt da whole kinship ,and as we all kno dat da close company dey keep nd da bloods they relate to is undeniably synonymous to dem so if someone as close to the person does take a giant leap considered to be morally unfit then the huge prevailing so called perfectionists identity is so abashed....hence, comes da point of mortification .....da sad sympathetic or pitiful feelings da people hold for them is da most mortifying of all dat da reason for the mortification is also not as sinful as the mortification itself...

Monday, February 8, 2010

AFTER A LONG TIME....

i'm in nd i'm out, sometimes i forget ma password or sometimes i just let it go ,sometimes i pity myself for lagging behind in the racing techno world or sometimes i dont even give it a second thought but wateva be ,i dont have to rise nd shine in everything that i do right? after all humans we are nd everyone of you must have been told somewhre nd in some point of life dat nobody's perfect (in many cases at times wen u desperately need to hear these two words nd they seem to be the only soothers for you to get back to normalcy ) just like i'm doing it to myself this very moment ....and now dat i'm in again i , i want to be in ,inner nd in the innermost without diminishing like in the past .
feelings mostly tend to overpower me sometimes making me the queen of my own imaginations with big visionaries nd full on confidence nd sometimes so powerless that i could be the riches to rags creature who ultimately has to surrender by saying " alas! cant help it coz dats the way how things function" .these feelings do not appear preplanned nd can take shape in the simplest of things or in the extremeties nd sometimes even when you are completely zapped nd the next thing they grab you in the core nd u r just left with feelings nd feelings nd feelings... nd these feelings are such that even wen u try to pour them in a paper ,words do not seem to give them enough justice dat they deserve nd in the end only you are aware of these feelings nd it continues to linger in your heart. similarly ,i felt something very strong today nd felt the need to scream out my feelings as these feelings dealt with my independence ,the independence that eveyone has the right to posses nd probably everyone of us posseses but even in this most independent decision concerning my very own independence i have to be dependent on you praying you to support me in my independent ways coz its possible only when you support me . i know this might sound weird but dats the fact. i too want to be independent just like you .i too have a fierce craving in me to be independent nd live my life without much pondering upon the consequences ,i too want to be a free soul without bothering what next but fear binds me nd tells me to be careful nd think twice before doing anything but sometimes even thinking twice nd being most careful does not stop you from the worst happenings dat are to take place. its painful wen such realization strucks you nd all you can do is nothing but a momentary thought also told me about what if i could make even a little difference nd voice my feelings through these words i do not know if these words justify my feelings like i said before but id definitely share it with you with whatever best i can nd only hope from deep within me dat maybe somehow i make a difference even if is a little one it would definitely be a good start for me to voice my feelings through this manner nd all i can do for the moment is keep that burning flame lit in ma heart ....nd regarding the fierce feeling of my indepence ill definitely let you know about it in the next post nd for the time being just try to understand my feelings ....