her..

flowing tide of emotions grapple my body in this cold winter midnight. having been buried under three sheaths of blanket, i try to shove you off my head but you're not that easy. i have million things to worry about but you just stick around floating around the center of my being. Ahh!! can't you see the irony here? million things to worry about but you just stay there unfazed and unaltered in your perfect somber self, always saying the 'right' thing no matter how fuckingly 'wrong' it appears to seem like. that's the thing about you. you are differently striking in the most inappropriate manner and every time i talk to you, it only melts my heart, brings me harsher to the reality and makes me fall a little more in love with you as compared to yesterday and moments back.
so, stay the hell away from me . will you? i don't want a whiff of your emotions surging through the nook and corners of me coz you are notorious for alighting it and then just disappearing like nothing happened ( i might not happen to you, but it happens to normal people like me ) and all that remains is your perfect lines that lingers around me and then i just  scroll my phone upwards and reread the derogatory truth with which you live by and i cannot help it but nod in approval. the way you make it sound sounds so complicated yet beyond the complexities it is all so simple, yet it is so hard to embrace the simple since we humans have the tendency of making our own lives so complicated and then questioning in the end as to what went wrong or how we could make things better.
lord!! i hate the fact that you've taken that much of toll over me or to put it the fact that i like you , yes, i like you so much, i couldn't have been surer. its like how they say that sometimes in life you come across this one person who alights a fire in you but sadly so they are not always the ones that we spend our lives with.
you might be different to different to different kinds of people , intellectual bastard for some maybe and fine lover to some but i'd say that you'd be a pathetic lover coz if you look at it closely you know there's not much difference between a rich bastard engrossed in his wealth, a narcissist absorbed in self and someone like you who centers around the luxury of his thoughts.
you see, your thoughts and observations are your privileged luxury to your self in which you want nobody to deter around with or maybe you're just caught up in your past refusing to put yourself up there and take a chance, a chance which seems all the more worthless to you,
its okay, i understand. it is not so easy . feelings and emotions can totally overrule anybody and it deters the boundaries which is exactly why we tend to stay away from it but don't you think the essence of pain or any emotion demands to be felt  coz we are humans after all and who understands the manifestation of humans better than you.
damn!! how much i really think about  you. you are there with your perfect sentence, perfectly making sense and how much i hate to have to agree with you coz with you perfect portrayal of the universal truth, you also break me one step further from the fictional reality that I've spun around myself in order to make my survival easier and easily blend in but that's not so easy in life specially with someone like you in my life and then i suddenly imagine the life without you, what good would it be? like me surging back to the same reality of ground rules in which existence is easier but meaningless and void.
since happiness is such a myth lets say contention is definitely not living by the conditioned norms of what society has taught us to sometimes it can be just gazing endlessly until your eyes hurt that you're forced to drop it shut.

damn, i want you, i need you but mostly i hate the fact that i have to feel all the things about you and worst when you will exactly understand how i feel.